Monday 31 October 2011

Christian Dating Series 6 – Sex before marriage

“I’m Christian, but my boyfriend is not, he wants to have sex with me, but I know that isn’t pleasing to God. How should I act in this situation?

Have you noticed that the world is upside down? Everything that is against the Word of God, the world is for. The values, responsibilities, commitment don’t seem to be appreciated anymore, for

the world nothing is a sin anymore. People can do whatever they want, guilt-free. Because everyone is who they are, and free to be how they want to be, so they think. But there is a small detail; each one is also responsible for the consequences of their actions.

In the past, virginity was valued for women just as much as for men; in fact many times it was required for marriage. When a young woman lost her virginity before marriage it was considered a shame, now it’s the opposite. Fifteen year old girls who are still virgins are the laughing stock of their friends now a day, their considered old-fashioned. What before was an honor, today it’s a shame, everything is backwards.

But let’s see what God has to say in regards to all of this? God’s plan is for us to save ourselves for our wedding day, for that special person who will be our husband. How many girls gave themselves to their boyfriends thinking that he was the man of their dreams and then it just didn’t work out and a bitter regret fills them? Plus, if you’ve already had sex before your honeymoon, what’s the point of your wedding night? If both of you already gave yourselves to each other, the magic is gone.

The idea that you need to have sexual relations before getting married to see if both of you will “get along in bed” is diabolic, because those who get married for love and have the presence of God, will surely be happy in their martial life, it simply couldn’t be any other way. To maintain yourself pure is God’s will, the woman should value herself and not give herself to numerous men to then decide who she will marry.

The wages for sin is death, spiritual death and in some cases even physical, simply verify it with the amount of people infected with AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases, the numbers are terrifying. When you give yourself to your husband and vice-versa, you are only his and he is only yours, there is no risk or danger and God is pleased in that.

Let’s see what 1Corinthians 6:17-20 says:

“But whoever is united with the Lord is one with him in spirit. Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.”

Be obedient to the Word of God, if you put God before your boyfriend, He will honor you, your boyfriend has no right to impede you from obeying the Word of God, and he should respect your faith, and if he doesn’t respect you, why be with someone who doesn’t?

Think things carefully before marrying someone who isn’t converted. Your chances of being unhappy and suffering in the long run are very high; you can see that now in your dating stage even before getting married.

Be smart and spiritual above all!

Friday 28 October 2011

Christian Dating 5- Friends of the opposite sex

"I met a guy, he says he likes me and I like him. We're dating but we've broken up twice already. But he has a friend, whom he considers his best friend, she is really pretty, she is that very popular girl; well known by everybody, and he often looks at pictures of her. She is very nice to him and even says "I love you" to him, she says it's a friends love. But all this makes me feel inferior, this entire situation just hurts me deep down."

Let's be honest, a person who is in a relationship and continues to have a friendship with someone of the opposite sex will cause the boyfriend or girlfriend to become jealous, it's inevitable.

It's not that you can't have friends, but everything has it's limits, and proper place. With time as your friend continues to tell you "he loves you", your boyfriend will eventually not accept it, and with all his rights.

In a relationship, respect and consideration towards your partner is very important, if none of these exists then it's because genuine love doesn't exists between the two of you.

If you lead your friend on it's because in reality it's because you like the attention and you don't know how to respect your boyfriend or girlfriend. To talk to one another is one thing, but to give too much trust is another thing.

If you want your relationship to work, understand the point of view of your partner, keep in mind how he or she feels and respect them. Like we see in the email above, this girl is hurt with the situation, and she even begins to feel inferior, what is really happening is that she is feeling threatened by the presence of anther girl in her boyfriends life and because of the trust her boyfriend has in this other girl, without considering his own girlfriends feelings.

Be wise, because you don't have to take this kind of behavior, if he doesn't respect you now, he never will. Wait on Gd for the special person He has prepared for you, someone who will love you and respect you, you don't have to live with that kind of fear and pain.

There are moments in our lives that we must take drastic decisions, nothing in between such as " let's see if things get better" if God is showing you that he isn't the right person, be happy! It just means He is taking care of your future and your spiritual life.

Thursday 27 October 2011

Christian Dating Series 4- Problems

"I am having some problems with my boyfriend, we've been together for six months, but the last four have been just fights. He says he doesn't understand me and what he feels for me is drifting, and I do want to be with him, should I fight for him, and re-conquer his love. His words hurt me a lot. It's been three weeks since we don't go out. I like him a lot, but I don't want to act simply on emotion, I want to marry the right person for me, that will treat me right, and love me."

Let's think with our heads and not with our hearts, marriage is a very serious step and we cannot just close our eyes to the things happening in front of us and think that just because we love someone we are going to live happily ever after.

Think with me, if in the beginning of your relationship, in the phase where the man is trying to win over the girl, doing everything possible to please her, he is already showing signs of verbal aggression, it's not a good sign. If right now there are so many fights and problems, imagine what will happen after marriage, when both of you will have to live together all the time. Don't ignore these small details, it's necessary to be aware of them and act with intelligence.

Don't insist on a relationship that starts off wrong from the beginning, those that do have no future. It's best to suffer a bit now, then to be unhappy forever.

Be careful with your heart, look at what the Bible says in regards to it, it can't be trusted.

"The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?" Jeremiah 17:9

Thursday 20 October 2011

Christian Dating Series 3- should I say something or not?

“ Hi Mrs. Tania, there is this guy who is my friend, we constantly talk, but we’ve never talked about us, and I like him. I’ve thought about talking to him about how I feel but I fear that I will be “devaluing” myself as a woman. What do you advise?”

Should I say something or not? That is the question! We are used to it always being the man who takes the initiative, the one who declares his love for the girl, but if you’re the one who likes him, how to act in this kind of situation?

This depends on the person faith and the way they are, individually. If you love someone and have faith and courage to express how you feel, then by all means go ahead. I don’t see that as something which devalues you as a woman. Do it with respect, and sincerity, if you don’t say anything how will he ever know? Surely he can’t guess.

Saying or expressing how you feel is not embarrassing, and it doesn’t mean that you are diminishing yourself.

Now… there is a but! What I do believe devalues a woman is when she insinuates herself to a man, offering herself to him, and laying herself out him. Some women do this, because they don’t have the courage to say how they feel and so they try everything to get their attention, they send seductive gestures with their eyes so much so that it seems as if she wants to eat him, she speaks loud so he’ll hear her, laughs uncontrollably, and all with the intention of getting his attention of any which way or form, she even becomes indiscreet. This is very ugly, indiscreet and devalues your image completely. These actions just make the man believe you are offering yourself to him.

So in these situations it’s better to act with discretion and in place of showing your feelings in the wrong way, tell the guy how you feel about him and be honest with him, but be prepared, the worst that could happen is for him to say no. At this point if he doesn’t feel the way you do then you can decide your life in a different direction and not waste time with illusions that there might be a future when in fact there isn’t.

If he corresponds to how you feel then, then allow him to take the initiative from there on, he should have to conquer you, invite you to go out, be attentive to the small details, call you and the things that follow. Don’t forget that men are hunters and they have the need to conquer, let him do his part.

Tuesday 18 October 2011

Christian Dating Series 2 – Choosing the right person


“ How can I know if it’s from God, if this is the right person? I

don’t want to make a mistake, how can I identify the right person?

When choosing you should depend on God, the girl who wants a blessed relationship should not take any action, without first praying to God and seeking His will. You should never start a relationship without first praying and waiting for God to confirm if it’s the right person for you. After this period of praying, if you are sure he is right for you, go ahead, if there is any doubt don’t take action or start something if you aren’t completely sure about it.

When your heart falls in love, you keep insisting, you keep praying,if not you take action, you give in to the passion, maybe you’re trying to win that person over with your own strength, because in reality you don’t want to do God’s will, you want to follow your heart and your feelings without using your reason.

Every time that you insist on doing something that is not God’s will,the consequences are disastrous, you begin to do things you shouldn’t and sooner or later you fall.

Sometimes you want something so bad, but so bad that you think you’re using your faith, but in reality you’re using your emotions, and there is no way for it to work out.

If you are confused, or lost you have to choose to pray, take into account God’s will. If you are sincere God will give you the strength to wait for the right person, without being anxious, without worrying about who has a boyfriend, or who just got married. It is better to wait for the right person at the right time, then to be rushed and possible destroy your own life.

Be aware of the following signs:

- The first thing you should watch for is to find someone of the same faith, people who marry someone with different faith, suffer a lot.

- Watch his actions, not just with you, but with everything

- Be attentive to your conversation, because the mouth speaks of what the heart is full of.

- See if he is truly converted. Being a member of the church doesn’t mean he is converted.

- If you see in him something bad; bad character, lying, betrayal, no fear in regards to God, don’t try to fix the problem, break up with him.

If God has shown you, and you continue praying and the situation is not getting better and things continue to get worse, break up with him, end the relationship, if it has no future all you’re doing is putting your salvation at risk. Many people are destroyed today because they married the wrong person, they’re far from God, and have lost their faith. Be careful, let God choose for you, He never fails.

Monday 10 October 2011

Christian Dating Series 1 – First step

I’ve decided to write about this topic since the majority of the emails I receive are in regards to orientations about dating; we are going to talk about several topics, because I believe that one person’s doubt can help many.

Certainly, Christian dating is very different in comparison to those who are not living in obedience with the Word of God.

So let’s see what is the first step you should take, is it choosing the right person? Wrong. I am sorry to say that if that is what you though then you are completely wrong.

The first step is to examine yourself, see if you are ready to be in a relationship at the moment, because if you are not okay spiritually speaking, surely you will choose wrongly and mess everything up.

Analyze how is your spiritual life doing ask yourself the following questions:

- Do you invest time with God on a daily basis?

- Do you depend on God completely in regards to your love life?

- Are you an example to all those around you?

- Are you spiritually strong, so much so that you are willing to follow God’s will for your love life?

If your answer to all these questions is “yes”, then you are ready for the next step, but if you notice that you are not spiritually ok, then you should first think about your relationship with God and later on consider dating. God want you to first have a commitment with Him, which comes above any human relationship you have.

Your success in your love life depends on your emotional well-being and your communion with God and not the other way around; so to say that your success with God depends on your love life.

Evaluate yourself so that you don’t misplace the order of things and consequently commit an error in your life.

Soon we will discuss the second stop!

Sunday 9 October 2011

To receive is better than to give!


Contrary to what the world says, look at what the Word of God shows us:
“It is more blessed to give than to receive. ” Acts 20:35
Have you noticed that the majority of arguments in between couples, friends and family members, are because one side is demanding and crying out loud for the other to give; give affection, attention, comprehension, to give in to their desires and so forth…? It seems as if the more the person receives, the more they want and the more they demand to receive from the person who is giving. What once was enough, with time looses its value
For example, when you were dating, you’d say; “ My boyfriend is so romantic, on my birthday he always gives me flowers.”
But after you got married and time passed by, now you say: “ My husband is not romantic at all, he only gives me flowers for my birthday and the rest of year, nothing!”
What you used to appreciate in the beginning now is not enough, you demand more, you want more.
They’re people whom only want to receive, but they never want to do anything for anyone else.
Maybe you want to be appreciated, remembered on your birthday, invited out by friends, you want to be admired, loved, but all of these things have a price and do you know what it is? You have to learn how to do all these things to others first.
To demand is easy, believe that you deserve it is very simple, but people must be corresponded to. When will it be your turn to “give”?
The day that you experiment how marvelous it is to give, you’ll never want to stop giving!
Usually, these people do the same with God, they demand everything from Him, but they are never willing to do anything for God. Everything God asks of them seems like it’s too much, too hard, and such a sacrifice but they don’t realize how great the blessing are!
When it’s time to ask, they ask with such strength and imposition, but when it’s time to five there isn’t even the minimal willingness.
Let’s wake up and see if we are not wanting to receive everything from everyone when in reality we are not giving anything!
This week do something different with a person who is close to you and leave your experience in a comment below. Don’t forget, it’s the little details that make a big difference.
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